Kids

The Night I Quit

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We’ve all been there; you know the days that drag on with kids acting disobediently and your own emotions running particularly high as a result. With every mean thing uttered and every failed listening ear; you begin to wonder where have you gone wrong? I just want to quit! 


Last week as my husband traveled for work I was blessed with one of those days. Was I speaking a language they did not recognize? 

“No more electronics”

“Stop running… Someone will get hurt”

“Time to get ready for bed”

“Ummmm…hello, it’s bed time”

I sat, in total disbelief. My heart heavy and tears burning the back of my eyes. Clearly I just want to throw in the towel and quit; but, moms can’t quit. It’s the job that you can’t quit at; or can you? I say the words. “I quit!” I repeat it as the noise volume is at decibels most should never experience. “I quit!” 

I am hurt, angry, and very frustrated. I tell the kids they were suppose to be in bed 15 minutes prior and that their in charge; clearly they think I’m joking. I begin to do my nightly chores; fold laundry, put clothes away, evening straightening from a day of chaos, lesson plans, and dirty dishes. They watch attentively as mom moved busily about. I remind them that there is school in the morning and act responsibly. Children need sleep. 

9:00 rolls around; they are still up. Calmly I ask if they remember where their beds are as I’m not “doing” bedtime tonight. Three sad faces blank staring back at me; I feel it, I can’t quit. They need me despite their immature behavior. I am responsible to train them and guide their ignorance and immaturity. I want to bang my head on the counter. Grumpily, I put one by one in their beds. Apologies are said before night slumbers and thanksgivings given for yes, even the days we want to quit. 

We are called to a job of no turning back: a constant selflessness and pouring of self. It is a job with no monies paid but hugs a plenty: there is no quitting, no end, and no perfect method. We are all perfectly imperfect sinners just trying to figure this thing called life out. (Tweet This)

1000 Gifts of Mothering

1. Boo Boo kisses
2. Midnight kisses
3. Snuggles while reading good books
4. Butterfly Kisses
5. I Love You’s a plenty
6. Imperfect days with sincere apologies
7. Chances to make all wrongs right
8. Childrens laughter
9. Busy chatter among siblings
10. My big family

Nocturnal Notes of Thanks

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Do you know when most of my post are written? Answer between 2-4 AM. The truth is 4/4 of my children have been terrible sleepers.  

Pumpkin was a case of “mommy didn’t know what she was doing”. I created bad habits and then worse habits (yes, she would eat waffles in the middle of the night..I’ll get into that another day.)
 Kbear was my little night tantrum blessing. Mr. Smiles just liked his mommy time and looking back he was probably my best sleeper. 
Now, 14 months and going strong there’s Scooter (aka Stinker) he was born with a recently diagnosed enlarged adenoid. It affects his breathing, congestion, and sleep in the worst way. Yes, I spend many nights sleeping/sitting vertically holding him so he can breath. Now, that we have a diagnosis he will be having an adenoidectomy to correct this and Lord willing sleep will be in my future. 
I share this not for you to have pity for me (please don’t) as God has sustained me these past 8 years. No, I’m not super human and don’t require sleep but what has been needed in the way of rest He sees I get. It might look like only a 10 minute nap but the show must go on. More importantly over the years I have used these “extra” hours to pray, reflect, write, and give thanks. God speaks when it is quiet and still; something, my house is not usually with four kids 8 and under. He has used the night to keep me anchored. 
Here are some of my nocturnal notes of thanks;
1.Extra cuddles in the night
2.Moon lit rooms
3.Cozy pjs
4.Warm blankets 
5.Pillows to rest a weary head
6.Medical professionals who aid in the art of health/well being 
7.A mothers milk- providing nourishment to my babies for 13+ months (x4) 
8.Sound machines to block the noise of other siblings in the night 
9.A starter house turned family home
10.coffee (because God knows what is good for my family) 
Where do you carve out rest in your day? 

Dr.Google; Aspergers-Cancer

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3AM… Sleepy eyed I type; Aspergers. I read and come up empty. I type; Sensory Disorder {nothing}. Spirited child..


Aha, I had heard it before that was surely it. 

Spirited Child- A child described as being more difficult  for parents to parent; and, one who resists most forms of comfort. It is in a sense the new politically correct term used to describe children we don’t otherwise have an explanation for. It is a nice way of saying strong willed {which she is to this day} but that is a strength not a weakness. It should be something to be admired not something to be judged. 

I down load the book and …give more attention {how can I possibly give her more?} identify what triggers her {EVERYTHING.} Gah, with each passing day I grow more frustrated and angry. I stop reading. Why am I back at these labels? 

Time is ticking with each day that passes we are one step closer to juggling a new born and night tantrums in our home. You see these tantrums at night were not an issue with baby number three. This was something new.  Could this really be an “act” to get more time with us knowing another tiny person would be entering the world soon? 

Nope.. No way. Who wakes at a consistent time night after night simply to disrupt a household for attention?

Does she need therapy some ask? Nope.. No way. She’s three, at home with mom and dad; not to mention all of her different behaviors since birth. Oh’yeah, and she hates strangers so I’m pretty sure talking to a therapist would sound more like dead silence filling an empty space.

The alarm bells are ringing again..

A well visit in August proved still a healthy little girl, but four/five months had since passed and the numbers on the scale are alarmingly different. She has lost 3 lbs since. How is that even possible? She’s eating. We eat healthy mostly organic, order from area farms, and I pretty sure even my pregnancy mom brain would notice a full plate at the end of a meal. One pound different than her 22 month younger brother. Alarming and a bit concerning. Children should not lose weight without explanation; I know this. Is it cancer? 

Is this monster eating my child’s inside the very disease that takes so many? The thought enters as quickly as it leaves..

She is not well and I will do what it takes to save her from this. I will hesitate and be fearful of what I might find but I will trust in the one who created her. I will trust in Him, the father of all creation.