Tantrums and Self Inflicting Pain

 Our tiny little tot with brown eyes so wide they melt you from the inside out. Her beautiful blonde hair and long lashes are surely model material. {o.k. I’m a little bias}Then there is that moment you almost can’t recognize her. You know she is there but her fire for life has vanished. She has been taken over. You search but come up empty. Where is my sweet girl; you ask?
A tantrum over something so meaningless a shoe, a piece of clothing, or maybe an afternoon snack. A feeling of complete loss. I can not do anything right. How is it this little girl can make her momma cry day in and day out. I cry on the inside and out. I want to please her and help; but, when she won’t let me in how can I even begin to try?

Time outs on a rug, a spanking here or there, a visit to her room {usually in her crib} in order to restrain her flailing limbs. You look in her eyes and clearly she is not there. Self restraining her and hating the mother you have become. I love children. I love her with all my heart. Why, why must I go through this just to be her mom I cry out? I pray every night just make this end. Make her tantrums stop!

Time in time again I would take her out of her room to find blood. Surely she is banging her head on the crib. What an awful mother I must be putting a child out of control in something that has wood sides? No, I enter her room during one of her moments and what do I find? A little girl crying out in pain. She too clearly wants it to end. A death grip on her gums; ripping and tearing at what soon would be little teeth. She is so young. What would even possess a child to inflict such pain on herself as this? To the point of drawing blood. Surely, this is a joke? I am dreaming. I am afraid not.

It is REAL! Very Real!

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