Night Tantrums


Lying in bed, heart racing the time is drawing near; 12:00 AM, 1:00..

It’s here the the rustling of the covers and the groaning so dreaded. Another night and another tantrum. She cries, screams, and kicks. Hysterical with no option but to leave; we sit in the car until it has passed. Like a storm brewing beneath the ocean waiting to surface it’s ugly colors. The cold, dark January air cools our skin but fails to end the three year old hysterics filling the small space. 

Why does she do this? Why does she act like this? Years have passed and the answer still remains unclear. Countless hours of sitting, holding, squeezing, and yelling. My yelling to make it stop; her yelling I can’t. Why my sweet, beautiful girl. Her huge brown eyes with lashes most just dream of; her white, blonde hair that shimmers in the sun. Why her? Why us?

It is as if she is possessed by something much stronger than herself. A confused head and an aching heart for my child who so often spirals out of control. This gift we have been given; a second daughter. A blessing. 

This can not be normal I continue to ponder as I have been down these roads before. We have another and she does not act like this. Do not compare; as no two are the same. Demons from below stirring about her young soul waiting to explode. Eyes rolled back in her head and flailing limbs surface time and time again. 

The mystery remains and the episodes worsen with every turn of the calendar. Behavior that is certainly not acceptable to society let alone conducive to a pregnant mother that needs rest so her unborn babe can grow in her womb. 

The days are numbered and the panic is setting in. This child she is the second oldest. What example is she setting? Have we parented her wrongly? We need answers and fast as the new baby will be here soon. 

Four children under 7 and earth shaking tantrums. How I hope the light is near or I simply might not survive.