It’s hard to believe I have been blogging in this space for the past 5 years. To think this is where it all began; me, a mom looking for an outlet during the wee hours of the morning. What started simply as a way to pass time while holding my wide eyed early riser; still and quietly waiting for big sister {Pumpkin} to arise. This very place has become a home, an escape, and where I get to share our story with you.

It is simply amazing to see how a story plays out; His story in fact. A story scripted in our heart long before we were born, days numbered, and outcomes unknown. We walk. We trust and we rest knowing we too will overcome this world. There we were a family; a dad, mom, and two sweet little girls. One as angelic and easy going as they come. A second daughter wide eyed and beautifully created just for us. Our girls could not have been any more different I tell you: although, both loved just the same their temperaments differed from the start.

I wrote this January 2009; ” So my littlest wide eyed wanderer didn’t think that sleep was needed for mommy last night. Another sleepless night! We’re up, we’re down, we’re fed, we’re changed, what more could you want? Just sleep sweet baby. That is what I kept thinking as I literally slept walked into K. Bears room last night 100+ times. I had no idea how little sleep one could actually live on.” {After four kids I can tell you first hand sleepless night are a given and you will survive.}

Our second daughter; K.Bear always seemed to need us more. I have often joked that no one saw her face for the first year of her life as I had no choice but to baby wear her. Cuddled close to Mommy and rarely out of an arms reach.

As a mother I embraced each cuddle and snuggle no less than the 1000 others before it. Now, don’t get me wrong some space of my own would have been nice at times but the screaming we would endure was not worth it. Periodically a mental questioning would enter my mind;  why did she need me so much more? Is this normal? How is it that two girls raised in the exact same atmosphere are so very different?  Was she gassy? Was it colic? Did she just not like people? Confused and pondering but left empty handed night after night. Sleepless nights and cranky days.

The questions seem to come and go. She is our daughter, a gift, loved dearly, and yet, at times she seemed so misunderstood by us; her parents none the less.

Leave a Reply